rocketfuel / film photos

After a year or two of shooting film intermittently (and not very seriously), I finally got all of 6 rolls developed. Film development is now quite expensive ($74 for 6 rolls?!), but the results are always worth it. I forgot that I shot two rolls of film on the Olympus XA4 in Banff while I was there in June - one of the rolls came back this time, but the other roll of Ektar is still in my freezer (!).

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I also got a few rolls back of B&W and Superia 400 from the Contax G1 and the 28mm lens. I forgot how much I love the feel of pretty much every photo from the Contax. It's indescribable.

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I had been contemplating selling the Contax kit, but I'm pretty much convinced now that I'm shooting this thing until it dies.

terraform / frustrations, questions

I feel like every blog post starts with a realization of how much time has gone by since I last posted. I've been trying to write for a while now, but life can be...overwhelming, and I find it difficult to write unless I have a clear direction. 

I've been working full-time for more than 2 months now. I like my job, so it's actually what happens after work that stresses me out more than my 9-5. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I started a personal learning project about food. As someone who grew up vegan for health reasons, awareness of food was necessary. I was often on the outskirts of food culture, and was able to observe habits that were so drastically different than mine. My mom conducted a lot of research about diet and health as I was growing up, and, whether intentionally or not, also developed more sustainable living habits that I accepted as standard (ie. eating local/organic food, avoiding plastic waste, recycling carefully, reducing material consumption). I never thought I was "environmentally friendly" - I took AP Environmental Science in high school and enjoyed it thoroughly, but it was really just another class to me. I don't think, in retrospect, I became passionate about the environment at all until I was confronted with a staggering amount of apathy and willful ignorance when I started college. 

I've been reading about fishing for the past five weeks. I don't eat fish, didn't know anything about fish, have never been fishing in my life, hate boats, and get really seasick. I have no direct interest in the ocean, but I wanted to learn more about the impact humans were having on the world. I learned a lot of fascinating things about the ocean, but my main takeaway was...how come I didn't know any of this earlier? And in general, how come I only know a small handful of people that are even interested in talking about pressing environmental issues? Why is caring about the environment an "interest" or "hobby", as if being invested in what is going to inevitably devastate the following generations of life on earth is the same as playing basketball or watching a new TV show? 

I want to blame individuals, but I can't. The societal baseline for caring is just too low. We pat ourselves on the back for everything, even actions that should really be the baseline. We refill our water bottles at the water fountain, where it kindly reminds us of the number of bottles "saved" from the landfills. Yes, refilling that bottle does replace a disposable plastic bottle, but why doesn't every bottle say "one more piece of plastic added to the landfill"? Why do we give out plastic bottles, straws, and cups in absurd amounts at every social event? And what's the difference if we collect reusable water bottles like they're disposable, anyway? Why do we feel good when we recycle, but don't really notice when we toss plastic into a trash bin just because it was closer? Society doesn't lead us to actually make a difference, it just wants us to feel like we're making a difference. 

I'm surrounded by amazing people who care greatly about an impressive variety of things. I went to school with people who were incredibly hardworking, passionate about technology, and left with dreams of making the world a "better place" (I use quotes here just because I think every person has a different definition of better). For many, that meant newer, faster, more reliable, more advanced technology. More innovation. I share many of my peers' passion for technology, and ways it can be harnessed to  better the lives of humans. I love well-designed products, cool tech, and I am constantly in awe of what humans are capable of creating and understanding. And yet, I'm also constantly frustrated, because in tech, sustainability is often a buzzword, used vaguely on websites to check a box and move on with it. Actually caring about the environment is delegated to hipsters and crunchy granola types (ie. Patagonia), or so my experiences have led me to believe. But the environment is the one thing that will affect all of us. No matter where you live, how much money you make, what you studied, or how many cars you own, whether you are religious or not... what happens with our environment will affect all of us. 

We are imagining and building the future, but blissfully ignoring it at the same time. I'm not asking for everyone to drop their jobs or personal passions and dedicate their lives to environmental causes - that would be hypocritical of me. However, I do believe that we can all spend a little bit more time thinking about the less glamorous parts of our future - pollution, climate change, ocean resource management, sustainable agricultural production, trash... We don't think about it because we're taught that humans are incredible, adaptive beings that can use our big brains to solve any problem we're encountered with. I think that's quite egotistical, but I can put some trust in it. Yet, I can no longer maintain comfort in that thought, because around me, there are very few big brains that I see working on these issues. 

These are issues that will (and already are) affecting our lives. These are issues that will burden the lives of humans for generations to come (if nuclear war doesn't kill us all by then). We imagine the future as such a colorful world filled with wonderful technology - we have no trouble talking about self-driving cars and fearing about the implications of AI, but we cannot forget about our physical planet. We cannot forget that there will soon be 8 billion people on this planet, each one fighting for food, water, infrastructure, and energy (and scrambling for the quality of living and rate of consumption that Americans have taken completely for granted). 

I think it's easy to think about the future and dismiss it as something to deal with later on, but it's important to realize how much can be at stake if we don't find viable solutions. If you love sushi, think about what it would be like if your favorite sushi no longer existed in the world, because the fish it came from went extinct due to poor fishery management. If you get really bad seasonal allergies, think about what it would be like when year after year, increased CO2 and longer spring seasons make allergies even worse.  What would it be like if our drinking water became a significant health risk? What would it be like if droughts led to a severe scarcity of water, let alone clean water? What would it be like to fear "once in a lifetime" type of hurricanes every year?

The future scares me. It's not really these "what if" questions that scare me, but the lack of people who are willing to think critically about these questions. I really don't know how to get people to care about these questions. We can talk about our future homes, how many kids we're going to have, where we want to travel, what kind of pets we want, our career trajectories, our retirement plans, but we don't talk about what we can do to make sure the world we're retiring in is the one we imagine. Why?

Maybe I'm being too pessimistic, too critical. I don't know. I would love to talk about this - please comment or email me if you have thoughts. 

no place in mind

Wow, I suck at writing regularly. 

Basically since August 29, I moved to Somerville, MA, started working as a design strategist at Altitude Inc, and became a sort of real life person. 

More interestingly, I started a food reading project! I'm planning on reading a food related book every two weeks for the next two years, which I will be writing about here

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youth / alaska + uncertainties

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since I returned from Southeast Asia, filled with excitement about everything that was going to change in my life. I went on a seven day cruise through Alaska with my mom and grandma, filled with absoutely breathtaking sunsets...

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I returned to Boston, expecting to start my full-time job, only to be faced with some hiccups and uncertainty. The future is still a bit uncertain, but I'm trying to make the best of it, no matter how internally stressful it's been. Channel the momentum and motivation I had for starting work into other things has been challenging, so I've been spending a lot of time learning about concepts that I find overwhelming. 

I read A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, An Eater's Manifesto by Michael Pollan, and started reading Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil deGrasse Tyson and Digital Cosmopolitans by Ethan Zuckerman. If anything, I get increasingly overwhelmed by how much I don't understand the world, but it's almost comforting to know that I could learn for the rest of my life and still not understand most things. Is that contradictory?

I've been thinking a lot about time, and how I probably shouldn't try to spend all of my time doing all the things I wish I could do. So here are some of the things I hope to be able to spend time doing and improve on constantly - in no particular order. 

  •  Guitar: I just upgraded my guitar from a Little Martin to a Taylor GS Mini! It was a pretty big decision, but I really enjoy the process of learning and practicing guitar. It's my favorite instrument to listen to, and it's incredibly rewarding when I can reproduce any sounds that I spend hours listening to. Since I do not sing, I play exclusively fingerstyle, and the 3/4 Martin was getting a bit cramped. The Taylor still isn't a full-sized guitar, but the slightly smaller size is nice to my abnormally short pinkies. 
  • Reading: I basically realized this summer that reading is the biggest life-hack ever.  Especially non-fiction - you basically spend a small, small fraction of time absorbing material that someone else spent years researching?? I'm trying to read books from different fields of (social) science - physics, biology, sociology, anthropology, psychology, etc. It's been a pretty rewarding process so far, and has been distracting me from the stress.
  • Cooking: I love food. Not just the eating part, but understanding the process, politics, history, cultural context, and science behind growing/cooking/eating it. I spent a fair amount of time cooking in college, but I'm looking forward to having a clean space to experiment with various veggie-based concoctions. 
  • Photography: SURPRISE! I actually want to shoot film regularly again. Cinestill came out with a C-41 home developing kit, which means it might be possible without (completely) breaking the bank. We shall see about this one. It requires quite a bit of activation energy, but there have been very few hobbies as personally rewarding to me as film photography. 
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That list is pretty much as short as I could possibly make it. I also wanted to design/sew a backpack, get into woodworking, get better at drawing, improve my graphic design/illustration skills, learn a bunch of card games, write more, etc...

This is why I need lists, and this is how I end up reading like six books at once.

fast car / southeast asia

Since I first started journaling seriously at the end of middle school, I've attempted to do trip reflections on the flight back home from any major travel experience. I spent the last month in Southeast Asia, so it only feels right to try to do the same, even though various mindless movies are tempting me from the in-flight entertainment system.

Hoi An, Vietnam

Hoi An, Vietnam

My family really enjoys travelling. Part of that probably has to do with the dispersion of family members across the globe, but I'd been to Europe and multiple cities in China before I could even really process and understand the places I was going to. Many of my international trips have been to places where I have some grasp of the local language - China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Ireland, even Peru. This summer, I got to spend time fully immersed in unfamiliar places with near zero language understanding. We spent about ten days in Vietnam, visiting Hoi An, Hue, Hanoi, and Halong Bay. Another ten days were spent in Thailand for Bangkok, Ayuthaya, and Chiang Mai. In addition to the language factor, this was the first foreign trip I've taken since gaining an interest in anthropology and cultural understanding. More than any other trip I've taken, I found myself striving to understand the local cultures, and constantly checking my thoughts and impact as an Asian-American tourist. Full immersion was quite difficult, given the fact that we did stand out as obvious tourists, but we strived for an authentic experience whenever possible (mostly with food). Being vegan in Vietnam actually led the way to a more local experience. Many vegan/vegetarian restaurants in the cities in Vietnam that we went to are run by Buddhists, and did not attempt to cater to tourists. They were often small, very low cost, family run, and off the beaten path. Ordering and paying involved a lot of pointing and writing, but many sincere moments were found here, where bright smiles and little head nods spoke more than the languages we didn't know how to speak. These tiny moments were the highlights of my trip. In my experience, being vegan in a foreign country often does provide more opportunities for exploration and local interaction than I think I would've had if food was more widely available to me.

Hoi An, Vietnam

Hoi An, Vietnam

Hue, Vietnam

Hue, Vietnam

Halong Bay, Vietnam

Halong Bay, Vietnam

The food scene in Thailand proved very different, but incredibly satisfying nonetheless. Veganism in Thailand also has religious roots, but I noticed that many restaurants in Chiang Mai have taken a health and animal cruelty stance. The food we had was flavorful and fine-tuned, with spectrums of tastes I sometimes didn't even know how to process. There was a restaurant there called "Vegan Heaven", and I think that's a fair title for Chiang Mai. Our interactions with restaurants there were a bit different - we provided amusement in Vietnam for our inability to handle the unfamiliar currency, but entertained in Thailand through the sheer amount of food we ordered (and finished).

Bangkok, Thailand

Bangkok, Thailand

Ayutthaya, Thailand

Ayutthaya, Thailand

Tom Yum Fried Rice

Tom Yum Fried Rice

Other than our food adventures, we spent a lot of our time visiting historical and religious sites. Hanoi's Museum of Ethnology, Ayutthaya's ruins, Hue's Imperial Palace, and the various ornate Buddhist temples of Bangkok and Chiang Mai were fascinating glimpses into the past. Unfortunately, I still don't think I had enough context to draw mental connections between history and the present, which I would want to better understand in future travels.

May Kaidee Vegetarian Cooking Class - Chiang Mai, Thailand

May Kaidee Vegetarian Cooking Class - Chiang Mai, Thailand

In addition to Vietnam and Thailand, we spent a bit of time in Hong Kong and half a day in Seoul. In Hong Kong, I was fascinated in the role of language, and how the use of Mandarin, Cantonese, and English can change how locals treat you. My family speaks Cantonese, but my parents chose to teach me Mandarin as it's a more "universal" language. Mandarin is not well-received in Hong Kong due to the political resentment of mainland China, so I often attempted Cantonese or spoke in English in an effort to distance myself from tourists from China, who I felt very little connection to despite my ethnic background. The tension between languages was interesting, and I wonder how the relationship will continue to develop in the coming years.

Mongkok, Hong Kong

Mongkok, Hong Kong

In Seoul, I was fascinated by the society wide obsession with cosmetics and fashion. I think it's fair to say I've never felt as physically insecure as I did walking through the subway stations of Seoul, where the first thing after the ticket turnstiles is a full-length mirror. I didn't spend enough time to really understand the obsession with appearance, but it was definitely the place I felt most out of place in during the trip.

Vegan ramen from Huggers in Itaewon, Seoul.

Vegan ramen from Huggers in Itaewon, Seoul.

I found the past month to be a wonderful learning experience. Packing as lightly as I did was exciting – being able to move from one hostel to the next with a small backpack made travelling a lot less stressful. As with most fun experiences, it ended too quickly. Next pre-work adventure: Alaska!
 

Lantern festival - Hoi An, Vietnam

Lantern festival - Hoi An, Vietnam

heirloom / one bagging

Hello friends! I'm headed off to Vietnam/Thailand/Hong Kong/Seoul (24 hours) in about a day, and I thought I'd show my blog a bit of love before I take off. I've loved traveling since I was a kid, but with my love for traveling also comes a love for...packing. I'm weird, I know. My mom has let me pack my own bags since I was super young, which I've appreciated as a way for me to learn how to plan for trips. I remember the first time she let me do that, I forgot to pack any underwear and had to hunt for tiny children's underwear in Vancouver. I've come a lot further since then (hopefully). For the last few years, I've become pretty obsessed with the idea of traveling only with a backpack, and recently realized there was an entire online community dedicated to "one-bagging". For me, packing only a small backpack forces me to think critically about every object that I bring, and also forces me to do research about the places I'm going and to think about potential situations I will have to deal with. I have really sensitive shoulders, so it also greatly reduces the weight I have to carry, and therefore makes traveling significantly more enjoyable. It's definitely a mindfulness exercise, and the overall process of choosing exactly what to bring is incredibly enjoyable to me. Below is (mostly) what I'm bringing on my 4 week trip, all packed in a 19 liter backpack (for size comparison, the standard Jansport backpack is 25 liters...this bag barely fits a 13 inch laptop!).

The packing cube contains all of my clothes, and I didn't include my toiletries in this picture.

The packing cube contains all of my clothes, and I didn't include my toiletries in this picture.

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Here's a complete list of what I'm packing:

  • 2x Uniqlo Drape Pants

  • 1x Board Shorts

  • 1x Running Shorts

  • 2x Tank Tops

  • 4x Underwear

  • 2x T shirts

  • 2x Ibex Bras

  • 1x Patagonia Houdini

  • 1x Linen Cap

  • 1x Swimsuit

  • Skinners (they're like socks with protective bottom...nice for flights!)

  • Shamma Sandals Jerusalem Cruisers

  • Fuji X100T + charger + 2 batteries + various SD cards

  • Moto G4

  • Jelly Comb keyboard

  • Kindle

  • Audiotechnica Earbuds

  • Gorilla Pod Tripod

  • Anker Charger

  • Toothbrush

  • Toothpaste

  • After Bite

  • Soap

  • Shampoo Bar

  • ACV Powder (conditioner)

  • Nail clippers

  • Tweezers

  • Menstrual Cup

  • Hand sanitizer

  • Baking soda/cornstarch mix (deodorant/dry shampoo)

  • First aid kit (Advil, antihistamine, band aids, wipes etc.)

  • Mesh bag (for dirty clothes)

  • Dry bag (doubles as a laundry container, pillow when filled with air, camera protector in the rain etc.)

  • Silk travel liner (can also serve as a blanket on cold flights)

  • Grayl filtration bottle

  • Muji pocket notebook

  • Zebra SL-F1

  • Linen towel

  • Money, passports!

Hopefully this is all enough to keep me healthily thriving for about four weeks. It might not seem like a lot, but I actually couldn't think of anything else that I would want to bring - in other words, doing this isn't a sacrifice to me at all. I'll probably have to do laundry a bit more than a normal traveler, but it shouldn't be too much of a hassle. I opted for phone/keyboard instead of laptop for this trip - photo editing will be done on Snapseed and keyboard will help for writing journal entries or any extensive editing. The Kindle and the 30+ books I want to read should keep me completely occupied on any long flights.

Happy July! :)

Snap from a short hike to Red Rock Canyon in Lake Forest, CA this week.

Snap from a short hike to Red Rock Canyon in Lake Forest, CA this week.

devil like me / banff

In the past two weeks, I graduated, went home, and then spent a week camping in the Canadian Rockies. I bought tickets to Calgary in April, on a bit of a whim, to meet up with a friend I met on Tumblr in 2010, but had never met in person before. Stranger danger (s/o to Angel if you ever read my blog). It proved to be quite a memorable experience, because 1) I'd never camped for an extended amount of time before 2) My friend is in way better shape than I am 3) It's really cold in the mountains in June 4) It was one of the most unreal places I've ever been to and 5) It's interesting how the internet can bring together similar people who never would've otherwise met in real life. I spent the plane rides there reading and finishing Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, which set the stage quite well for a perspective shift on humanity and a desire to be cut off from most of the world for a few days. 

We spent the first 1.5 days at Peter Lougheed Provincial Park at the Elkwood Campground. It was super cold and pretty wet. First day consisted of a hike to Rawson Lake, which was still frozen. The surrounding area was still covered in snow, but we tried to make a loop around it anyway (unsuccessful). We did another shorter hike afterwards but I honestly don't remember what it was called at all. The high elevation was pretty rough on my lungs.

Rawson Lake

Rawson Lake

After Peter Lougheed, we made our way over to Banff, and did a short hike to Grassi Lakes, where I witnessed some legit rockclimbers and felt bad about my upper body strength (and leg strength, too, I guess...) I played disc golf for the first time and sucked.  Afterwards, we drove around a bit and took some pictures of lakes near the Tunnel Mountain campground. 

Grassi Lakes

Grassi Lakes

The next day, we woke up early to check out Moraine Lake, and then did the hike to Eiffel Lake. Saw some cute marmots on the open mountainside. We stopped by Vermillion Lakes in the evening because my legs were too broken to do anything else.

Moraine Lake

Moraine Lake

Eiffel Lake

Eiffel Lake

Vermillion Lakes

Vermillion Lakes

The longest day consisted of a drive to Emerald Lake, attempting to see some waterfalls, Peyto Lake, a muddy hike to Chephren Lake, Johnston Canyon, and staying up for some astrophotography. 

Emerald Lake

Emerald Lake

Random waterfalls

Random waterfalls

Chephren Lake

Chephren Lake

Peyto Lake

Peyto Lake

Johnston Canyon

Johnston Canyon

Standing outside in the cold trying to keep my hands steady enough to not ruin the photos with my Gorillapod anchored on the car

Standing outside in the cold trying to keep my hands steady enough to not ruin the photos with my Gorillapod anchored on the car

I'm back at home for the next few weeks before embarking on the segment of my summer in southeast Asia! Currently taking book recommendations :) 

actors

It's really strange how life can feel so different within the span of a few weeks. The last time I had some time to sit down and think, I had just returned from a short road trip through Canada with some friends. Since then, I did senior week, which only really consisted of a white-water rafting trip in western Massachusetts and a day at Walden Pond. I celebrated (or tried to celebrate) the end of my undergraduate life. I spent some quality time with family. I graduated from MIT with a  degree in mechanical engineering and a minor in anthropology. I said some short-term goodbyes to some of my favorite people. 

Walden Pond!

Walden Pond!

And now, I'm sitting at home, steeping in the bittersweetness of what will likely be the most eventful summer of my life. On the itinerary for now...Banff/Yoho National Parks, Thailand, Cambodia, and Alaska. Interspersed throughout the trips will be quality time at home, during which I'm hoping to get through a long list of books. 

Quick list of things I want to do this summer:

1) Shoot film again
2) Write regularly
3) Actually read all the books I say I will
4) Become better at running
5) Live and absorb every single moment


To go back a little, I spent a long time on my flight home thinking (pretty aimlessly) about my college experience. For the sake of mental clarity, I'll try to dump here. 

I applied to MIT as a Questbridge Scholar in September 2012. I received a call in October telling me I wasn't accepted through Questbridge, but that I essentially will get in during the early admission cycle. It was a pretty anticlimatic way of getting into college because I wasn't expecting the call at all, but it fed my senioritis quite thoroughly. I attended the MIT visiting weekend in April, and met a group of people that would more or less remain my friends for the rest of my college life. 

High school graduation, four years ago.

High school graduation, four years ago.

I was lucky to have an incredible group of friends in high school, but that made leaving home heartwrenchingly difficult. Leaving for college felt more like a breakup than like starting a new and exciting chapter of my life. It didn't help later that my freshman year was one of the most difficult of my life - between homesickness, relentless academic struggle, and the harsh realities of winter in Boston, I struggled to stay afloat emotionally, but I made it. Sophomore year proved significantly better, as I found my own place within my major and constructed a heartwarming support system. Slowly, I grew to appreciate MIT for what it was to me - a place to test my priorities and my ability to contextualize problems, both in real life and in exams/psets. Essentially, I began using MIT as a place to show myself that the environmental pressure did not have to take away from my pursuit of good health, mindfulness, self-cultivation, and personal fulfillment. There were inevitably days, weeks, or even months where I succumbed to the pressure, but I left MIT with a much stronger grasp of what's important to me on a daily basis, and I find that invaluable. Although I don't think I challenged myself intellectually to the extent to which some of my peers did, I really found a balance for my life and intellectual curiosities, not all of which involved structured learning. That experience brings confidence as I pursue a process of lifelong learning, even as a working "real person". 

When reflecting on my time at MIT, I will always remember the times with my friends the most. Although many of my new friends were less similar to me than the friends I had in high school, the friendships I made each pushed me in different ways. I've definitely become more patient, understanding, open-minded, and easy-going in the past four years. I've already forgotten most of the content from my classes, but I'll remember the stupid jokes in my suite kitchen in Burton Conner, the long talks on my bedroom floor, the cold and nervous walks on Commonwealth, and the delirious pset sessions. My memories have their tinges of darkness, but there is little I would've changed about my college experience. Ultimately, I can't imagine another environment that would've tested me to the extent that MIT did, and for that, I'm actually very grateful. I'm not sure exactly how much of my paid education I will be using in the future, but the perseverance, focus, and confidence in my own ability to survive that I have learned throughout the past four years will not be taken for granted. 

Thanks, fam! Peace out MIT!

Thanks, fam! Peace out MIT!

a thousand miles

I just came back from a 7 day road trip to Toronto and Montreal with some friends I'm lucky to have known for the past four years here. The trip was possibly one of my most photographically uninspired trips in a long time, but I still had a lot of fun. 

The first day, we drove from Boston to Buffalo, NY. I haven't eaten that much unhealthy food (and no vegetables) in a very, very long time, and felt pretty gross afterwards. I might've liked poutine better in a different situation.

The first day, we drove from Boston to Buffalo, NY. I haven't eaten that much unhealthy food (and no vegetables) in a very, very long time, and felt pretty gross afterwards. I might've liked poutine better in a different situation.

We got to Niagara Falls on the second day. The weather was pretty bad, but getting drenched isn't so bad when you're expecting it.

We got to Niagara Falls on the second day. The weather was pretty bad, but getting drenched isn't so bad when you're expecting it.

Vegan chicken and waffles from Hogtown Vegan in Toronto. A+.

Vegan chicken and waffles from Hogtown Vegan in Toronto. A+.

Happy Victoria Day!

Happy Victoria Day!

Kensington Market in Toronto had some cool vibes - everything was either vegan or weed related.

Kensington Market in Toronto had some cool vibes - everything was either vegan or weed related.

View of Montreal from...Mont Royal!

View of Montreal from...Mont Royal!

Biodome in Montreal

Biodome in Montreal

Honestly all I've been talking about after I got back was how awesome this vegan sushi was. Sushi Momo in Montreal - even if you're not vegan GO. I don't even really get obsessive about food but this was just too good. It's definitely my favorite ve…

Honestly all I've been talking about after I got back was how awesome this vegan sushi was. Sushi Momo in Montreal - even if you're not vegan GO. I don't even really get obsessive about food but this was just too good. It's definitely my favorite vegan restaurant ever, and I've been vegan for quite a long time.

graduate / fake meat

Aaaanddd, I'm done with my final semester at MIT! It's been a crazy ride, and I don't know how I feel about it, except a sigh of relief at the moment. I'll probably have more thoughts about it later now. 

For now, I wanted to share an academic paper that I'm pretty proud of. I definitely worked on it harder than I ever have for pretty much anything. I grew up knowing about fake meat and accepting it as a normal food item, but I was recently inspired to think more critically about it in a food history class. 

HERE'S THE PAPER - IT'S KINDA LONG.

 

good 2 u

This guy went to my high school and I've never spoken to him but his music is great. 

Brief image updates:

I made yellow paracord adjustable wrist straps for the G1 and the X100T :) 

I made yellow paracord adjustable wrist straps for the G1 and the X100T :) 

Yellow is my favorite color, actually. 

Yellow is my favorite color, actually. 

I'm excited for spring break next week. 

I'm excited for spring break next week. 

I started cutting my own hair and I realized that the lighting is beautiful in my room on sunny days. 

I started cutting my own hair and I realized that the lighting is beautiful in my room on sunny days. 

runner

I shot/developed my first roll of BW film in a really long time. I've lost touch with film in the past few months, but it was nice to be back in the dark room. 

This is a really inspirational film I stumbled upon yesterday, which reminds me of the deep satisfaction I once found in examining and repairing old cameras. Definitely makes me nostalgic and miss my small collection of analog cameras at home. 

brand new colony

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This post will probably be a mess of things. The past few months have been insane. I tried to sort out my thoughts in an earlier blog post, right after the election. I've tried endlessly to make sense of the results, the implications, and to determine a reasonable personal course of action. I've read a lot more, in an attempt to understand even a small percentage of this incredibly complex world. Most recently, I read Merchants of Doubt, by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway. This book describes cases of science denial and how keeping controversy alive is a method used by contrarian scientists, private corporations, and conservative think thanks to achieve their economic and political goals. Essentially, it outlines people that actively and willingly harm other humans for economic gain. And it terrified me, not because I didn't know that this was occurring, but because this book was written in 2010, and now seven years later, it is more relevant than ever. It baffles me that science has become something you can just "not believe" in, as if that means it doesn't exist. Science is not religion. Whether you pray to God or follow the teachings of Buddha, and if you're not part of an extremist religion, the impact of those actions is mostly confined to yourself (and those of your religious community). I am not diminishing the worth of religion, but believing or not believing in a certain religion will not actively harm anyone. Science is not something you can choose not to believe in. If you jump out of a plane because you don't believe in gravity, it doesn't mean your body will not smash into the concrete. And just because it takes you a few minutes to hit the ground and feel the consequence, doesn't mean that gravity isn't acting during that time. Right now, the world is in free fall from the choices we've made in the name of advancement, and certain people believe that gravity doesn't exist because we haven't splattered on the concrete yet. But we will, and by the time that happens, it'll be too late to eject a parachute. 

The future of the environment terrifies me, as does the future of healthcare, education, and all types of human rights. And now, in my fourth year of college and the brink of determining how my future will intersect with this country's, I'm quite confused. It's always bothered me how my personal interests and hobbies never quite aligned with my larger goals as well as I would've liked. I'm passionate about the environment, but my personal interests and skills didn't align well with environmental engineering. I am deeply interested in personal and global health, but biology and chemistry constantly went over my head. The things that I have been moderately successful in - product design, UX, photography - are infrequently connected to the issues I'm truly passionate about. They exist, certainly, but are pretty niche. Instead, I find myself skimming through the jobs for which I have relevant skills, which include designing new consumer products that require more of earth's resources to manufacture for those with dispensable income, testing random fun mobile applications, improving business strategy for companies to make even more exuberant amounts of money, etc. The intersection of design with healthcare or the environment is quite small, and I'm trying my best to find it. The desire to contribute to something that will genuinely improve the lives of people, when combined with the functional need of having a job, makes this process pretty stressful. 

For now, I will continue reading to educate myself on the issues I hope one day to be able to address. I will continue modifying my personal habits and choices to reduce my negative impact, and I will continue documenting this beautiful world that is a privilege to see every single day.  

Women's March in Boston

Women's March in Boston

short truth

It's one of those new year posts! I'm not big on new year resolutions; I'm a pretty firm believer that if you want to make change in your life, it can start at any point in the year, week, or day. This will be more a reflection of what's happened this year, and what the next year will bring. 

I started off 2016 at my friend's house in South Pasadena, watching the delayed ball drop and drinking apple cider. Since then, I've moved to Irvine, and no longer have the luxury of being minutes away from my high school friends. I spent my January term interning at a software company in San Francisco as a user experience designer, and learned a bit about web design. Living in SF was an interesting experience, although I definitely cannot imagine living there for an extended amount of time. My spring semester of junior was a wreck both academically and emotionally. I felt suffocated by it all, but managed to land an internship in design consulting, which had been my dream since early sophomore year. I dragged myself through the semester, ending the year with sickness and a brutal cough. I made drastic changes in the beginning of summer, feeling alive again for the first time in months, and gaining further insight to what mattered to me in life - the most important being health. As a result, I spent the summer in Somerville enjoying life immensely. I learned how to play guitar, read often, cooked new foods, watched a lot of Planet Earth, and regained motivation as a photographer. I visited NYC a few times, and spent a lot of time with people that I truly value. I was involved in a crazy car accident and suffered a concussion, although luckily nothing worse than that. Fall semester of senior year was unexpectedly rewarding - I learned much about leadership, user research, writing, and medical anthropology. I made time for the relationships I valued, and felt consistently happy and healthy in my personal life, with some exceptions. The process and results of the presidential election (the first I was able to vote in) was incredibly draining, but I feel like I have a much better grasp of this country I live in. I have excitement and fear that will follow me into 2017, and confusion about how to deal with them. Despite these fears, I also carry a deeper appreciation for those in my life (which if you're reading this, is you). So thank you for being part of my 2016 journey!

Looking back, I've realized that a year is an incredibly long time, and I have no idea where I will be a year from now. As I stand in the face of graduation, there have never been so many unknowns. Where will I be living? Where will I be working? What will this country look like? What will I be doing to help? I cannot predict any of these things, but I know that I'll be making an active effort to improve what I can around me. Despite the chaos, 2016 has been a year of simplification for me, and I hope to continue distilling as we move into the new year. 

rising water

 

 It’s been quite a chaotic week, if not month, for the majority of this country. I have many feelings about the election, most of them along the lines of fear, confusion, and anger. This post won’t be about the election directly, but something I’ve been forced to think about even more as a result of the election. The future of our environment is more uncertain than ever with the impending changes in D.C., and I’m beginning to think more about the impact individuals can make to help our planet. If you’re thinking, I don’t want to read about this hippy stuff, or something like that… I’m not sure what to say to you, except that it’s the responsibility of each individual to think critically about challenging the status quo, especially living in this mind-bogglingly wasteful country. 
 
 I’m not preaching. This is as much a personal exploration for me as it is a way to share the information I already know. I’m wasteful in many ways, many of which I could be completely unaware of. I think that’s usually the main problem - we’re so accustomed to what we’ve grown up around that we don’t see anything wrong with what we’re doing. We proceed, believing that we’re all entitled to the same indulgences that we witness, not questioning where things come from, or where things go. Certain things are okay because “everyone else does it too”. We comfort ourselves by emphasizing that we are 1 in 7 billion, and nothing we do can possibly make a difference in relieving the planet of the pressure of human existence. Yet, most of us seek to make a difference in the world one day. To me, it only makes sense that this difference starts with our daily habits. I’m not the most sustainable person I know, nor necessarily the most environmentally aware, but I’ll outline some of the things I want to do or already actively do to reduce my own environmental impact.
 
 I’ll talk about diet first because that’s what I’m most familiar with. I have been vegan since I was 8 years old for health reasons, that have also accumulated environmental reasons in recent years. Livestock is responsible for 7.2 gigatons of CO2 emissions each year, which is nearly 15% of all human greenhouse gas emissions. For each kilogram of beef protein, 300 kg of CO2 is released. Additionally, cows produce 44% of human methane emissions, and methane can warm the planet about 86 times more than CO2 while it’s in the atmosphere. Pigs and chicken have less impact, but still require about 100 kg of CO2 per kg of protein. For comparison, tofu requires about 16 kg CO2 per kg of protein. There’s people out there who blame vegetarians/vegans for the deforestation in South America to make land for soy production… what they may not realize, however, is that 75% of the soy grown (in 2011) was used for animal feed, and 6% is used for human food. Instead of eating the animals that consume the soy for protein, we can eat the plant protein directly. 
 
 In addition to eating a plant based diet, trying to purchase locally grown produce is beneficial to the environment because it reduces transportation cost and energy to move the produce. Eating organic reduces toxic chemical waste from pesticides and fertilizer.   
  
Eliminating food waste, composting, bringing your own bags to the grocery store, using a reusable water bottle (+ BPA free), and buying foods with less packaging can also help. In terms of daily habits, choosing to walk/bike instead of taking a car, taking shorter showers, turning off lights when you’re not using them, and recycling when possible are all beneficial. 

Speaking of recycling - while it is definitely good to reuse and recycle, recycling is also an energy intensive process. Instead of using products (plastic water bottles, paper, disposable items) and assuming it is fine because those items will be recycled, it can be valuable to think about how to not use these products at all. Most actions that are done out of convenience can be easily altered to include reusable items. 

Speaking of disposable items, I’ve recently started thinking about the environmental impact of feminine hygiene products. While these products are mostly cotton/rayon based, the disposable plastic packaging can definitely take a toll. The aversion to talking about periods may be part of the reason why disposable products are the standard - people want to just be able to throw them away and not think about it ever again, which makes sense. It’s a bit weird considering this is something half the globe has to deal with, which makes me think that reusable options, such as menstrual cups or reusable pads actually make a lot more sense. 

I read a book called Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion by Elizabeth Cline this past week, which presented unbelievable data about how much global impact our clothing has. When this book was written (2012), the US consumed 20 billion garments a year, which is 64 items per person - more than 1 piece of clothing per week. It’s the second largest consumer sector, right behind food. As a result, Americans throw away 12.7 million tons of textiles per year, which is 68 lbs per person. In 1950, the world made 10 million tons of fiber a year. In 2012 - 82 million tons. That requires 125 million tons of coal and about 2 trillion gallons of water. Zara alone produces 1 million garments per day, and the customers there shop an average of 17 times per year. While it might sound insane on paper, the rate at which we’re capable at consuming clothing is incredible. There is a focus on cheap clothing - H&M, Target, Forever21 - and these companies can afford to make clothes cheap because they’re making small profit margins on huge numbers. They thrive on making cheap, poor-quality clothes with factories that pay workers minimum wage, which is lower than living wage (cost to survive) in many countries. The book also describes a “clothing deficit myth”, which is the idea that all of our clothes, when donated, goes to some poor person who really needs it. In reality, 20% of post-consumer clothing becomes fiber for building materials, 30% for industrial rags, and 5% is thrown away. There’s not really a need for clothing in the world anymore, and if there is, it isn’t for the poor quality clothes that we’re burning through. To address this problem, we need to stop believing that all the clothes we purchase is put to effective use after get rid of it. 

Even as someone who consumes relatively little clothing, this book still shook me. Clothing is not something we can just ignore, so I began looking into more sustainable clothing brands. Yes, many of them are more expensive, but when I consider the workers that made it, quality of the item, and decreased environmental impact, I find it justifiable, if possible. If not, trying to find higher quality cheap clothing and making it last as long as possible by taking good care of it and purchasing versatile pieces that will be worn often is another way of addressing this problem. A few brands that I have looked at and find admirable include Patagonia, United by Blue, and Cotopaxi. There are other companies that aren’t as charitable as those ones, but still sell high quality, long lasting, or ethically produced clothes - American Giant, DL1961, PACT, prAna, etc. 

That's all I have for now, although I expect the themes of sustainability and consumption will continue to come up for me as I continue to examine the impact our daily choices can make. 

If you're wondering about the title of this post, I saw James Vincent McMorrow this week, and "Rising Water" reminds me of climate change.

If you're wondering about the title of this post, I saw James Vincent McMorrow this week, and "Rising Water" reminds me of climate change.

concrete dreams

Second example of my struggling attempts at writing fiction. Don't judge me. 


“Everyone around here had two things: a job, and a name. My name was C4111, and I was Builder. We were all born something. Most of us became Builders and Cleaners but some became Fighters and Explorers. I’d always wanted to know what would happen if I wanted to do something else, something I wasn’t born as. Why could each of us only have one role? Nobody else cared to ask these questions.

Explorers were confident, brave, and knowledgeable. They knew about local plant species and how to handle the potential attackers that might strike our colony. They’ve all reported some major source of danger before, and many of them were younger than me. When Explorers made a discovery, it became part of their identity. They got a name. C5114 discovered that the sweet sap rolling down a tree about 4,000 body-lengths northward was extremely poisonous. She had observed four members of Colony E feasting on it before they began losing muscle function and dying from paralysis. Her name became Sap. Seven sun-downs ago, C4929 sensed a thunderstorm coming based on wind patterns and got the entire colony underground and plugged the entrances before the rain struck. She was called Storm.  We weren’t that creative, but having a name was the pinnacle of fame around here.

I’d spent all ninety-two of my sun-downs as a Builder. The highlight of my life was that I was a special Builder. As a Builder for the Explorers, I got to live among them. We lived in an underground annex 613 body-lengths away from the main compound, where all the other Builders, Cleaners, and Fighters lived. This annex was completed before I was born, so I spent most of my time fixing minor cave-ins in the tunnels and extending some rooms as the colony grew. Our compound was a complex network of tunnels in the dirt, kind of like tree roots. My job involved calculating the structural stability of this particular network of tunnels, and moving dirt around to make sure nothing collapsed. It sounds more exciting than it was.

It’s not that I didn’t like building; I just wanted to do more. I wanted to talk to people, I wanted to be somebody. I wanted a name.  I wonder if my best friend would’ve had a name if she had made it out alive.

C4123. We had been friends since day one on the job. We had started our careers on the same day, and we were the only new members that warm and sunny morning. Although she was an Explorer, she was too intimated to talk to anyone else in the thirty-two-member crew, so we talked only to each other. C4123 had a spectacular sense of smell—one of the best of our generation. She could smell the good ripe fruit from the bad ones without even tasting them. She was humble about it too, and that’s how we became friends. The other Explorers weren’t as friendly.  I don’t think they liked that I kept asking them if I could tag along whenever they went outside. They didn’t understand why I would ever want to do something I wasn’t born for. C4123 let me tag along with her on the most basic missions sometimes. I liked to believe that she saw some innate skills in me that no one else did. I was chosen to be the Builder for the Explorers for a reason, right? Actually, I’m pretty sure I was just the first Builder born after the previous specialized Builder died. But that’s not the point.

I tried to stop thinking about C4123 so much, but the way she died was so…unusual. We had gone scavenging in the Concrete Expanse south of the main compound. I say “we”, but it was really her exploring the concrete, and me hiding in the grass nearby. I didn’t dare walk out there. There was nothing to hide under. I must have been psychic or something, because these clear metallic saucers appeared in the sky soon after we arrived. No one had ever spoke of anything like those before, but there they were. Underneath them, bright spots of light appeared, and the ground got alarmingly warm. I tried to warn her, but she was too far away and too engrossed in her senses. Suddenly, the saucer moved directly over her, and the bright light centered right over her body. I was blinded. The light was gone within seconds, but when I crawled over to her, she was dead. The bright light had charred her and her limbs were shriveled. She lay there, curled in her own soot. I didn’t need her sense of smell to know that she had been burnt all the way through.”

That’s the story I would tell about my life up to this point. Everything in there is the truth, but it’s not the complete truth. Things started going awry before C4123 and I went anywhere near the Concrete Expanse. Where would I put the part about the fruit trees completely disappearing overnight, with nothing left to show for but unnaturally clean-cut stumps?  How about when two-thirds of the colony was eradicated without a trace when part of the compound was scooped up, including the majority of the Fighters? Not a single trace! No creature we know of eats dirt. How about when the day after, when a sapling fell from the sky into the crater where part of our home once was? What was that all about?

The story I have right now makes sense. I sound cool, collected, and determined…maybe even brave, with a touch of self-deprecation.  There’s no need to include that I’m scared to death of my nameless future and the future of my colony. Maybe I’m just scared that I’ll never become someone that avenges her best friend. But really, I just tell myself stories to make sense of it all, and convince myself that one day, I’ll become someone whose stories are worth listening to, if there’s anyone left to listen. 

The distant sound of familiar footsteps tells me that the Explorers are making their way back now. I had taken the day off from building to mourn my friend, but being attached to each other is frowned upon around here—especially after everything that has happened.  Mourning is a waste of time when the future of our colony is in danger. I scramble onto my feet and shove a few pieces of dirt around as the Explorers single file into our main meeting chamber.

C4000, also known as Cinnamon or Lead Explorer, looks grim as she addresses her crew. Her head hangs with exhaustion. “We have a serious problem. Yes, another one. Are you all familiar with the massive fellow that lives near the bush 3,200 body-lengths westward?”

Everyone nods. We all know who he is. We don’t see him often, but he drags his gargantuan slimy body around occasionally and leaves sticky trails that are difficult to navigate around. It is inconvenient, but not really worth doing anything about. He isn’t threatening, even though he smells slightly rancid.

“We found him today,” she continues. “He was dead on the Concrete Expanse. Shriveled.”

Someone else voiced my internal question. “Burnt?”

“No. Dehydrated, it seems. He was covered in a white, foul-tasting substance. Not a hint of slime left. Completely crusted. He doesn’t even go to the Concrete Expanse... something moved him there.”

My head began spinning. Dried up? Moved? This definitely wasn’t anything I’ve heard of before. How could he just dry up? What was happening out on the Concrete Expanse? Is it related to the abduction of our colony?

Cinnamon quickly doles out exploration assignments for sun-up. Apparently she had deemed it too dangerous to return to the Concrete Expanse, although we had always had good luck with food out there. Fruits and sugary substances were found often. Without the fruit trees, the Concrete Expanse is one of our only options. Instead, Cinnamon focuses on looking for dead bodies we can eat. That’s how I know things are real desperate.

It suddenly occurs to me that this is my chance. I had never had any sort of advantage over the Explorers before, when it came to exploring. They are bigger, faster, and have significantly keener senses than me. I won’t call this situation well suited for me by any means, but at least we are all on the same playing field now. They are just as clueless and frightened about the situation as I am. This is my chance to do something real.

As Cinnamon dismisses us for rest, I become increasingly distressed. Builders aren’t allowed to leave the compound unaccompanied. Only Explorers have the sense of direction required to wander around alone outside—that’s why they’re Explorers. I could get lost out there. I could die. And I doubt anyone would even notice until the tunnels in the annex start caving in too much. I tuck myself between two soft pieces of dirt and try to settle my thoughts. I imagine counting the seeds of a strawberry to calm myself. Thankfully, sleep comes quickly.

I awake at the same time I always do—before the Explorers— and think about what to do. I think about what C4123 would’ve suggested. She was blunt, and she didn’t care much for our rigid social structure, even though she followed it. She probably would’ve said, “Hey, you’re one in 4,000 and you’ll probably die soon anyway. Go for it.”

I would’ve asked her if she would miss me, and she would’ve told me that she wouldn’t, and I had nothing to lose.

Ouch.

Well now, she would be right. What did I have to lose, really? The Explorers couldn’t risk themselves. Without them, the remaining members of the colony wouldn’t last, especially since most of the Fighters were gone already. The responsibility of the Explorer is too great, and their numbers too few. Me? I could either live to solve the greatest mystery of my time, or die from starvation, abduction, or whatever our fate may be.  I might as well make myself useful while I can—C4123 would’ve done it. The version of myself in my story would do it. Before I have time to let more logical fears consume me, I crawl through the narrow, dark, earthy exit tunnel and make my way towards the bright morning light.

I head southward from the camouflaged entrance of the Explorer annex, clamoring over rocks, leaves, and squishy dirt towards the Concrete Expanse just over the horizon. The sun casts its golden glow through the orangey trees from the left. The shadows unnerve me—the Eight Legs could be anywhere. I scuttle forward, trying not to think about it. I miss the protection of C4123. The landscape looks different, and I can’t quite decide why. I realize with a sinking stomach that I’m standing in a giant oblong footprint. The footprints are everywhere. Plants were trampled in the wrath of this creature, and these prints are unlike anything I’ve ever seen here. This thing wasn’t a local. I shiver with fear, but move forward robotically. It is now or never. I recount my story in my head to calm myself.

Halfway there and already winded, I stop to formulate some semblance of a plan.  Observation seems like the best option—I can hide in the grass as I did when C4123 was attacked. That will give me a good vantage point if the metallic saucers appear. I can also burrow into the ground if needed. Low risk. Moving forward, I cross the shifting landscape and begin maneuvering around the tall and sharp blades of grass. The sun continues to rise in the azure sky, and after what seems like a lifetime of endless climbing, the grass finally clears. I am at the edge of the enormous Concrete Expanse. It’s empty, and leaves rustle across the unforgiving surface. I sit there and wait, uneasy.

When the sun is nearly directly overhead, a spectacular vibration begins out of nowhere. I hold onto the grass for dear life, disoriented and terrified.  The vibrations end as suddenly as they began, but I quake as I register another soul-chilling sound. Things are moving towards me. Very large things. Massive shadows fall over me, but their movement is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. They are smaller than trees, maybe the size of saplings, but thick. Warm blooded, by the look of them. They walk on their two back limbs, flailing off-balance awkwardly. There are three of them.

I freeze. The shadow over me has stopped moving. I turn, look up, and see a giant, hideous, white and pink face. Blue eyeballs the size of pinecones reveal themselves. This thing is disgustingly bald, and I’m overwhelmed with panic. I need to get out of here. The red, gaping hole in its face cracks open, and I see glimmers of sharp marble-like rocks. I am dead. I know it. With a flash, I’m flung into the air, higher than I have ever been, the wind whipping around me. I’m still holding onto to the blade of grass I was perched on, but it wasn’t attached to the ground anymore. I hold on with all six limbs and my mouth until I realize the sense of vertigo had passed. I hate making sudden movements because it draws attention to myself, but I don’t know what else to do.

I dart downwards, not knowing where to go except trying to reach the familiar safety of the ground.  I realize with horror than I am standing atop of this creature’s warm and fleshy skin. I half expect myself to disintegrate on the spot, but I keep scrambling downwards. The fleshy limb I’m scrambling over begins shaking violently. I bite down with full force, and my antennae overload from the intensity of high-pitch vibrations. Dizzy and deaf, I let go, accepting my fate. I tumble in free-fall for an eternity, it seems, and I brace myself for my body’s inevitable splattering on the Concrete Expanse. I hope it doesn’t hurt. At least I’ll die where my best friend died.

I am met with a surprisingly soft landing on the large grass patch where I had started my adventure.  As I pick myself up gingerly, I sense some vibrations that sound like… “Stoo-pit-ante.” I know this won’t be the last time this monster terrorized my kind, but for right now, I don’t care. I am alive, and I have something to report. I have my next chapter.