devil like me / banff

In the past two weeks, I graduated, went home, and then spent a week camping in the Canadian Rockies. I bought tickets to Calgary in April, on a bit of a whim, to meet up with a friend I met on Tumblr in 2010, but had never met in person before. Stranger danger (s/o to Angel if you ever read my blog). It proved to be quite a memorable experience, because 1) I'd never camped for an extended amount of time before 2) My friend is in way better shape than I am 3) It's really cold in the mountains in June 4) It was one of the most unreal places I've ever been to and 5) It's interesting how the internet can bring together similar people who never would've otherwise met in real life. I spent the plane rides there reading and finishing Ishmael by Daniel Quinn, which set the stage quite well for a perspective shift on humanity and a desire to be cut off from most of the world for a few days. 

We spent the first 1.5 days at Peter Lougheed Provincial Park at the Elkwood Campground. It was super cold and pretty wet. First day consisted of a hike to Rawson Lake, which was still frozen. The surrounding area was still covered in snow, but we tried to make a loop around it anyway (unsuccessful). We did another shorter hike afterwards but I honestly don't remember what it was called at all. The high elevation was pretty rough on my lungs.

Rawson Lake

Rawson Lake

After Peter Lougheed, we made our way over to Banff, and did a short hike to Grassi Lakes, where I witnessed some legit rockclimbers and felt bad about my upper body strength (and leg strength, too, I guess...) I played disc golf for the first time and sucked.  Afterwards, we drove around a bit and took some pictures of lakes near the Tunnel Mountain campground. 

Grassi Lakes

Grassi Lakes

The next day, we woke up early to check out Moraine Lake, and then did the hike to Eiffel Lake. Saw some cute marmots on the open mountainside. We stopped by Vermillion Lakes in the evening because my legs were too broken to do anything else.

Moraine Lake

Moraine Lake

Eiffel Lake

Eiffel Lake

Vermillion Lakes

Vermillion Lakes

The longest day consisted of a drive to Emerald Lake, attempting to see some waterfalls, Peyto Lake, a muddy hike to Chephren Lake, Johnston Canyon, and staying up for some astrophotography. 

Emerald Lake

Emerald Lake

Random waterfalls

Random waterfalls

Chephren Lake

Chephren Lake

Peyto Lake

Peyto Lake

Johnston Canyon

Johnston Canyon

Standing outside in the cold trying to keep my hands steady enough to not ruin the photos with my Gorillapod anchored on the car

Standing outside in the cold trying to keep my hands steady enough to not ruin the photos with my Gorillapod anchored on the car

I'm back at home for the next few weeks before embarking on the segment of my summer in southeast Asia! Currently taking book recommendations :) 

actors

It's really strange how life can feel so different within the span of a few weeks. The last time I had some time to sit down and think, I had just returned from a short road trip through Canada with some friends. Since then, I did senior week, which only really consisted of a white-water rafting trip in western Massachusetts and a day at Walden Pond. I celebrated (or tried to celebrate) the end of my undergraduate life. I spent some quality time with family. I graduated from MIT with a  degree in mechanical engineering and a minor in anthropology. I said some short-term goodbyes to some of my favorite people. 

Walden Pond!

Walden Pond!

And now, I'm sitting at home, steeping in the bittersweetness of what will likely be the most eventful summer of my life. On the itinerary for now...Banff/Yoho National Parks, Thailand, Cambodia, and Alaska. Interspersed throughout the trips will be quality time at home, during which I'm hoping to get through a long list of books. 

Quick list of things I want to do this summer:

1) Shoot film again
2) Write regularly
3) Actually read all the books I say I will
4) Become better at running
5) Live and absorb every single moment


To go back a little, I spent a long time on my flight home thinking (pretty aimlessly) about my college experience. For the sake of mental clarity, I'll try to dump here. 

I applied to MIT as a Questbridge Scholar in September 2012. I received a call in October telling me I wasn't accepted through Questbridge, but that I essentially will get in during the early admission cycle. It was a pretty anticlimatic way of getting into college because I wasn't expecting the call at all, but it fed my senioritis quite thoroughly. I attended the MIT visiting weekend in April, and met a group of people that would more or less remain my friends for the rest of my college life. 

High school graduation, four years ago.

High school graduation, four years ago.

I was lucky to have an incredible group of friends in high school, but that made leaving home heartwrenchingly difficult. Leaving for college felt more like a breakup than like starting a new and exciting chapter of my life. It didn't help later that my freshman year was one of the most difficult of my life - between homesickness, relentless academic struggle, and the harsh realities of winter in Boston, I struggled to stay afloat emotionally, but I made it. Sophomore year proved significantly better, as I found my own place within my major and constructed a heartwarming support system. Slowly, I grew to appreciate MIT for what it was to me - a place to test my priorities and my ability to contextualize problems, both in real life and in exams/psets. Essentially, I began using MIT as a place to show myself that the environmental pressure did not have to take away from my pursuit of good health, mindfulness, self-cultivation, and personal fulfillment. There were inevitably days, weeks, or even months where I succumbed to the pressure, but I left MIT with a much stronger grasp of what's important to me on a daily basis, and I find that invaluable. Although I don't think I challenged myself intellectually to the extent to which some of my peers did, I really found a balance for my life and intellectual curiosities, not all of which involved structured learning. That experience brings confidence as I pursue a process of lifelong learning, even as a working "real person". 

When reflecting on my time at MIT, I will always remember the times with my friends the most. Although many of my new friends were less similar to me than the friends I had in high school, the friendships I made each pushed me in different ways. I've definitely become more patient, understanding, open-minded, and easy-going in the past four years. I've already forgotten most of the content from my classes, but I'll remember the stupid jokes in my suite kitchen in Burton Conner, the long talks on my bedroom floor, the cold and nervous walks on Commonwealth, and the delirious pset sessions. My memories have their tinges of darkness, but there is little I would've changed about my college experience. Ultimately, I can't imagine another environment that would've tested me to the extent that MIT did, and for that, I'm actually very grateful. I'm not sure exactly how much of my paid education I will be using in the future, but the perseverance, focus, and confidence in my own ability to survive that I have learned throughout the past four years will not be taken for granted. 

Thanks, fam! Peace out MIT!

Thanks, fam! Peace out MIT!

graduate / fake meat

Aaaanddd, I'm done with my final semester at MIT! It's been a crazy ride, and I don't know how I feel about it, except a sigh of relief at the moment. I'll probably have more thoughts about it later now. 

For now, I wanted to share an academic paper that I'm pretty proud of. I definitely worked on it harder than I ever have for pretty much anything. I grew up knowing about fake meat and accepting it as a normal food item, but I was recently inspired to think more critically about it in a food history class. 

HERE'S THE PAPER - IT'S KINDA LONG.

 

good 2 u

This guy went to my high school and I've never spoken to him but his music is great. 

Brief image updates:

I made yellow paracord adjustable wrist straps for the G1 and the X100T :) 

I made yellow paracord adjustable wrist straps for the G1 and the X100T :) 

Yellow is my favorite color, actually. 

Yellow is my favorite color, actually. 

I'm excited for spring break next week. 

I'm excited for spring break next week. 

I started cutting my own hair and I realized that the lighting is beautiful in my room on sunny days. 

I started cutting my own hair and I realized that the lighting is beautiful in my room on sunny days. 

runner

I shot/developed my first roll of BW film in a really long time. I've lost touch with film in the past few months, but it was nice to be back in the dark room. 

This is a really inspirational film I stumbled upon yesterday, which reminds me of the deep satisfaction I once found in examining and repairing old cameras. Definitely makes me nostalgic and miss my small collection of analog cameras at home. 

brand new colony

DSCF7094.jpg

 

This post will probably be a mess of things. The past few months have been insane. I tried to sort out my thoughts in an earlier blog post, right after the election. I've tried endlessly to make sense of the results, the implications, and to determine a reasonable personal course of action. I've read a lot more, in an attempt to understand even a small percentage of this incredibly complex world. Most recently, I read Merchants of Doubt, by Naomi Oreskes and Erik M. Conway. This book describes cases of science denial and how keeping controversy alive is a method used by contrarian scientists, private corporations, and conservative think thanks to achieve their economic and political goals. Essentially, it outlines people that actively and willingly harm other humans for economic gain. And it terrified me, not because I didn't know that this was occurring, but because this book was written in 2010, and now seven years later, it is more relevant than ever. It baffles me that science has become something you can just "not believe" in, as if that means it doesn't exist. Science is not religion. Whether you pray to God or follow the teachings of Buddha, and if you're not part of an extremist religion, the impact of those actions is mostly confined to yourself (and those of your religious community). I am not diminishing the worth of religion, but believing or not believing in a certain religion will not actively harm anyone. Science is not something you can choose not to believe in. If you jump out of a plane because you don't believe in gravity, it doesn't mean your body will not smash into the concrete. And just because it takes you a few minutes to hit the ground and feel the consequence, doesn't mean that gravity isn't acting during that time. Right now, the world is in free fall from the choices we've made in the name of advancement, and certain people believe that gravity doesn't exist because we haven't splattered on the concrete yet. But we will, and by the time that happens, it'll be too late to eject a parachute. 

The future of the environment terrifies me, as does the future of healthcare, education, and all types of human rights. And now, in my fourth year of college and the brink of determining how my future will intersect with this country's, I'm quite confused. It's always bothered me how my personal interests and hobbies never quite aligned with my larger goals as well as I would've liked. I'm passionate about the environment, but my personal interests and skills didn't align well with environmental engineering. I am deeply interested in personal and global health, but biology and chemistry constantly went over my head. The things that I have been moderately successful in - product design, UX, photography - are infrequently connected to the issues I'm truly passionate about. They exist, certainly, but are pretty niche. Instead, I find myself skimming through the jobs for which I have relevant skills, which include designing new consumer products that require more of earth's resources to manufacture for those with dispensable income, testing random fun mobile applications, improving business strategy for companies to make even more exuberant amounts of money, etc. The intersection of design with healthcare or the environment is quite small, and I'm trying my best to find it. The desire to contribute to something that will genuinely improve the lives of people, when combined with the functional need of having a job, makes this process pretty stressful. 

For now, I will continue reading to educate myself on the issues I hope one day to be able to address. I will continue modifying my personal habits and choices to reduce my negative impact, and I will continue documenting this beautiful world that is a privilege to see every single day.  

Women's March in Boston

Women's March in Boston

short truth

It's one of those new year posts! I'm not big on new year resolutions; I'm a pretty firm believer that if you want to make change in your life, it can start at any point in the year, week, or day. This will be more a reflection of what's happened this year, and what the next year will bring. 

I started off 2016 at my friend's house in South Pasadena, watching the delayed ball drop and drinking apple cider. Since then, I've moved to Irvine, and no longer have the luxury of being minutes away from my high school friends. I spent my January term interning at a software company in San Francisco as a user experience designer, and learned a bit about web design. Living in SF was an interesting experience, although I definitely cannot imagine living there for an extended amount of time. My spring semester of junior was a wreck both academically and emotionally. I felt suffocated by it all, but managed to land an internship in design consulting, which had been my dream since early sophomore year. I dragged myself through the semester, ending the year with sickness and a brutal cough. I made drastic changes in the beginning of summer, feeling alive again for the first time in months, and gaining further insight to what mattered to me in life - the most important being health. As a result, I spent the summer in Somerville enjoying life immensely. I learned how to play guitar, read often, cooked new foods, watched a lot of Planet Earth, and regained motivation as a photographer. I visited NYC a few times, and spent a lot of time with people that I truly value. I was involved in a crazy car accident and suffered a concussion, although luckily nothing worse than that. Fall semester of senior year was unexpectedly rewarding - I learned much about leadership, user research, writing, and medical anthropology. I made time for the relationships I valued, and felt consistently happy and healthy in my personal life, with some exceptions. The process and results of the presidential election (the first I was able to vote in) was incredibly draining, but I feel like I have a much better grasp of this country I live in. I have excitement and fear that will follow me into 2017, and confusion about how to deal with them. Despite these fears, I also carry a deeper appreciation for those in my life (which if you're reading this, is you). So thank you for being part of my 2016 journey!

Looking back, I've realized that a year is an incredibly long time, and I have no idea where I will be a year from now. As I stand in the face of graduation, there have never been so many unknowns. Where will I be living? Where will I be working? What will this country look like? What will I be doing to help? I cannot predict any of these things, but I know that I'll be making an active effort to improve what I can around me. Despite the chaos, 2016 has been a year of simplification for me, and I hope to continue distilling as we move into the new year. 

rising water

 

 It’s been quite a chaotic week, if not month, for the majority of this country. I have many feelings about the election, most of them along the lines of fear, confusion, and anger. This post won’t be about the election directly, but something I’ve been forced to think about even more as a result of the election. The future of our environment is more uncertain than ever with the impending changes in D.C., and I’m beginning to think more about the impact individuals can make to help our planet. If you’re thinking, I don’t want to read about this hippy stuff, or something like that… I’m not sure what to say to you, except that it’s the responsibility of each individual to think critically about challenging the status quo, especially living in this mind-bogglingly wasteful country. 
 
 I’m not preaching. This is as much a personal exploration for me as it is a way to share the information I already know. I’m wasteful in many ways, many of which I could be completely unaware of. I think that’s usually the main problem - we’re so accustomed to what we’ve grown up around that we don’t see anything wrong with what we’re doing. We proceed, believing that we’re all entitled to the same indulgences that we witness, not questioning where things come from, or where things go. Certain things are okay because “everyone else does it too”. We comfort ourselves by emphasizing that we are 1 in 7 billion, and nothing we do can possibly make a difference in relieving the planet of the pressure of human existence. Yet, most of us seek to make a difference in the world one day. To me, it only makes sense that this difference starts with our daily habits. I’m not the most sustainable person I know, nor necessarily the most environmentally aware, but I’ll outline some of the things I want to do or already actively do to reduce my own environmental impact.
 
 I’ll talk about diet first because that’s what I’m most familiar with. I have been vegan since I was 8 years old for health reasons, that have also accumulated environmental reasons in recent years. Livestock is responsible for 7.2 gigatons of CO2 emissions each year, which is nearly 15% of all human greenhouse gas emissions. For each kilogram of beef protein, 300 kg of CO2 is released. Additionally, cows produce 44% of human methane emissions, and methane can warm the planet about 86 times more than CO2 while it’s in the atmosphere. Pigs and chicken have less impact, but still require about 100 kg of CO2 per kg of protein. For comparison, tofu requires about 16 kg CO2 per kg of protein. There’s people out there who blame vegetarians/vegans for the deforestation in South America to make land for soy production… what they may not realize, however, is that 75% of the soy grown (in 2011) was used for animal feed, and 6% is used for human food. Instead of eating the animals that consume the soy for protein, we can eat the plant protein directly. 
 
 In addition to eating a plant based diet, trying to purchase locally grown produce is beneficial to the environment because it reduces transportation cost and energy to move the produce. Eating organic reduces toxic chemical waste from pesticides and fertilizer.   
  
Eliminating food waste, composting, bringing your own bags to the grocery store, using a reusable water bottle (+ BPA free), and buying foods with less packaging can also help. In terms of daily habits, choosing to walk/bike instead of taking a car, taking shorter showers, turning off lights when you’re not using them, and recycling when possible are all beneficial. 

Speaking of recycling - while it is definitely good to reuse and recycle, recycling is also an energy intensive process. Instead of using products (plastic water bottles, paper, disposable items) and assuming it is fine because those items will be recycled, it can be valuable to think about how to not use these products at all. Most actions that are done out of convenience can be easily altered to include reusable items. 

Speaking of disposable items, I’ve recently started thinking about the environmental impact of feminine hygiene products. While these products are mostly cotton/rayon based, the disposable plastic packaging can definitely take a toll. The aversion to talking about periods may be part of the reason why disposable products are the standard - people want to just be able to throw them away and not think about it ever again, which makes sense. It’s a bit weird considering this is something half the globe has to deal with, which makes me think that reusable options, such as menstrual cups or reusable pads actually make a lot more sense. 

I read a book called Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion by Elizabeth Cline this past week, which presented unbelievable data about how much global impact our clothing has. When this book was written (2012), the US consumed 20 billion garments a year, which is 64 items per person - more than 1 piece of clothing per week. It’s the second largest consumer sector, right behind food. As a result, Americans throw away 12.7 million tons of textiles per year, which is 68 lbs per person. In 1950, the world made 10 million tons of fiber a year. In 2012 - 82 million tons. That requires 125 million tons of coal and about 2 trillion gallons of water. Zara alone produces 1 million garments per day, and the customers there shop an average of 17 times per year. While it might sound insane on paper, the rate at which we’re capable at consuming clothing is incredible. There is a focus on cheap clothing - H&M, Target, Forever21 - and these companies can afford to make clothes cheap because they’re making small profit margins on huge numbers. They thrive on making cheap, poor-quality clothes with factories that pay workers minimum wage, which is lower than living wage (cost to survive) in many countries. The book also describes a “clothing deficit myth”, which is the idea that all of our clothes, when donated, goes to some poor person who really needs it. In reality, 20% of post-consumer clothing becomes fiber for building materials, 30% for industrial rags, and 5% is thrown away. There’s not really a need for clothing in the world anymore, and if there is, it isn’t for the poor quality clothes that we’re burning through. To address this problem, we need to stop believing that all the clothes we purchase is put to effective use after get rid of it. 

Even as someone who consumes relatively little clothing, this book still shook me. Clothing is not something we can just ignore, so I began looking into more sustainable clothing brands. Yes, many of them are more expensive, but when I consider the workers that made it, quality of the item, and decreased environmental impact, I find it justifiable, if possible. If not, trying to find higher quality cheap clothing and making it last as long as possible by taking good care of it and purchasing versatile pieces that will be worn often is another way of addressing this problem. A few brands that I have looked at and find admirable include Patagonia, United by Blue, and Cotopaxi. There are other companies that aren’t as charitable as those ones, but still sell high quality, long lasting, or ethically produced clothes - American Giant, DL1961, PACT, prAna, etc. 

That's all I have for now, although I expect the themes of sustainability and consumption will continue to come up for me as I continue to examine the impact our daily choices can make. 

If you're wondering about the title of this post, I saw James Vincent McMorrow this week, and "Rising Water" reminds me of climate change.

If you're wondering about the title of this post, I saw James Vincent McMorrow this week, and "Rising Water" reminds me of climate change.

maybe we're home

Home is an interesting concept, one that I’ve been confused about for the majority of my life. I’ve never really been attached to physical places—I’ve lived in six different houses now, not including my dorm at school. Like many, I define home as where my family lives. And like many, the definition of home has shifted since moving away from my family, to a new environment full of new people and new friends. 

Eventually, these new people and new friends created an environment quite similar to that of “home”—these friends have seen me at my best and my worst. They’re the first ones to celebrate a successful exam or completed project with me. They’re inside my room when I’m stressed out or too sick to function. They’re there to cook with me, eat with me, and talk to me about my day.  They’ve created a new home for me, but I now view home as a word that can describe multiple locations (why didn't I realize that sooner?? unclear.)

I’m moving back into my dorm tomorrow, and it feels like going home. I have elaborate plans for laminate flooring, floor beds, and coffee tables, but we’ll see how that all pans out. Summer is coming to a slow close, but I’m excited to go home. 

you were never alone

I'll start off with a feel good song for a feel good post. 

Summer minutes are dwindling fast. This summer has probably been the most rewarding summer I've ever had. I'm consistently happy for the first time for as long as I can remember. This doesn't mean that everything is perfect, but I am extremely satisfied with the progress I'm making in all aspects of my life, and incredibly grateful for the people around me. 

Reflections on the Red Line T.

Reflections on the Red Line T.

I have time to work on most of the things I want to do outside of work. I've been making time to read, write, play guitar, and spend valuable time with the people I love. 

I'm flexing my photographic eye constantly now. For the first time since last summer, I'm interested enough in the world around me to seize moments I used to pass on. I stop. I breathe. I shoot. 

Aggressively confused squirrel in Boston Common.

Aggressively confused squirrel in Boston Common.

Golden hour never looked so fake.

Golden hour never looked so fake.

I've found my 50/50 introverted/extroverted self a good balance of personal and social time. Although sometimes it would be good to have friends...like when I wanted to take a photo of someone in this beautiful lighting...

This is a summer I'll never forget, and a summer I know I'll be nostalgic for for years to come. There should be a word for that...knowing that you'll be nostalgic for something before it's even passed. I have 3 weeks left, and I hope to make the most of it.