i wonder,
if the sharp pains in my chest
are you reminding me
to notice
everything.
as if
i had a choice.
i wonder,
if the lump in my throat
are the tears
i did not know how to cry
then,
or the ones i am ashamed to cry
now.
i wonder,
if the distance
i place
between myself
and the world
are just the fears that i learned
from you
leaving,
when you said you wouldn't.
i wonder,
if i spend my days turning pages because
learning new things
makes me feel like
you live on
in me.
i wonder,
just to wonder,
just to wonder.
i wonder,
because there's nothing i can do,
but to wonder.